?

Log in

What was i doing again? [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Mike

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Lolololololol [Oct. 22nd, 2011|07:58 pm]
Mike
looking at this is funny and interesting to have a nice account of the past before facebookz I think Lukas is the only one that still is active on my LJ Friends XD
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2010|02:00 am]
Mike
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |lethargiclethargic]

So today I post for the first time in almost about a year it feels weird to post something here again. It is like looking at the remains of a life left  behind or some pretentious bullshit like that. Heck so much has changed since then........

(on a side note I need to comment and re-become friends with people on LJ since I'm gonna be all active and shit)

Then: had a crush on Chesi Duck
Worked at Michael's Arts and crafts
lived in lafayette
undergrad in mass comm
hopeless romantic 

Now: have a crush on at least 3 or 4 girls
(none of which are chelsi duck and not necessarily seeing anything coming of anything from either of them)
work at FedEx Ground
Live in the outskirts of lafayette (technically Breaux Bridge)
Grad Student in Mass comm but really only doing it to get my prerequisites in Physics done
hopeless romantic

My priorities, goals, long term plans have all changed etc. It's weird but I think I gonna try to post here so I can get my thoughts out there again I miss dong that. Granted I have been able to confide in Duncan Domangiue and John Joubert (something about those alliteration names :P ) since I see them every day for a few hours a day, but I can only say so much. Not the really emotional or sensitive things I suppose(essentially the things you tell your girls that are supposed to be empathic about emotional bullshit and the like.)

Basically what I want to say is this: It really sucks that all I have been wanting for the past couple of months is to call up or text a girl that I'm maybe mildly attracted to and watch a heartwarming movie with her and cuddle. That is it not interested in sex or make-outs or any of that and I call or text and they are always busy or have other plans. The ironic thing is in the past had I called or texted them for like a booty call or something then they are free. Damnit when did the roles of men and women change? Did i miss something?
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

How I Feel Today in 1000 words (comments screened) [Jun. 1st, 2009|08:32 pm]
Mike
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

 I feel some old feelings riling up inside me. It reminds me of my old school emo kid livejournaling days, but this time it is not just some lame confession or boohoo sadness over stupid drama this time it just sucks and I wish things were better.

 

My Uncle David died early this morning. I found out at 10:00 ish. I was at work. My dad left me a voicemail, he started to cry near the end of it. For me the worst sound to hear on this earth is my father crying. 

 

I have always looked up to him as a pillar of strength and every time he would cry I felt as if there was no hope or that there was something very wrong in the world. I have only seen him cry 2 times in my life once when he was laid off from his job at a really though time in the economy when my sister and I were still kids (he didn’t know I was awake but I heard it all and saw it through a crack from my bedroom door). The second time was at his father’s funeral. This will be the third time I will hear/see him cry. 

 

My spirit shatters at even the thought of him crying. My thoughts are and have always been “Dad can fix/do anything” which has been always true if I ever has trouble or a problem he always had an awesome solution. When he cries I feel completely lost and unsafe/vulnerable.

 

That is just the sadness from my dad crying I haven’t even started on my love/loss for my uncle David. I can attribute a lot of my sense of adventure to my uncle David. He would bring me fishing, or turnip hunting, when I was a kid, while my dad was away at work. When I lived near him I would go over and visit and he would teach me all kinds of stuff about fishing, animals, he even introduced me to my first computer. Which if you know me I am a computer whiz kid now. My parents couldn’t have pets where we lived but David had cats and dogs galore that we could play with. He showed me how to fish and he would bring me around the bayou in his boat and It was such an exciting experience for a little kid. He was everything you could ask for in an uncle and more. A lot of my current personality traits and drive is because of looking up to him (In conjunction with my father)

 

I love the outdoors,

I love computers,

I love cats and dogs,

I love adventure,

I love these thanks to David,

I love David the most.

 

He later moved to Houma and started a pawn shop, he had a house, his own business friends, he threw a big crawfish boil every year for all his friends and family to go to it was always a fun spectacle. 

 

A few years had passes his parties became smaller, a big new pawn shop opened outside of town with better selection, quality and prices. His friends moved away, his business suffered, his wife left him, his health began to wane, his liver began to fail, his  pets died, he fell into debt. Soon all he had left was a pile of debt, a failing business, poor health and his dog Libby. (I imagine that the dog helped keep him going for a while) He would drink even though his doctors advised against it. I suppose anything to ease the loneliness. 

 

He did have one thing he was hoping to do soon. Sell his house, shop, and unneeded things and buy an RV and drive around the country with his dog going to pawn shops and buying items at an inexpensive price and selling them at a higher price on e-bay since he knew the price and sell-ability of things from his pawn shop experience.

 

Before he could do that he got sick and got a cyst in his throat. He was discovered by his neighbor in pain in his house and rushed to the hospital, he was later operated on. His operation was a success but that wasn’t the problem the hardest part would be recovery which was up in the air as far as being able to recover from. The nurses would comment when one of us wold visit that is was great to see him have a visitor....he wouldn’t get many visitors.

 

What happened to David is something I have had nightmares about and is truly my greatest fear. In the back of my mind I believe it will happen to me one day. I will just slowly lose everything, wife, friends, family, shelter, etc and rely on things like a pet cat or dog, alcohol and dreams of an impossible future in futility, only to die alone. 

 

Depressing huh? 

 

Well, you may know my personality, never upset, never sad, about much just fun and goofy but it isn’t really the case. I am just really good at putting on a good face and plowing through the hurt, not really allowing much help from others. I do it to continue on with life, it hurts but it keeps me sane.

 

Not really related to or even on the same level of this situation but another “wow that sucks” moment. Today, I also found out that this girl I am really interested in (and those of you that know me I am usually the most cynical person you know when it comes to relationships) Is in a relationship now..... Dang. I suppose I shouldn’t have had such cold feet around her. I knew this would happen since I was just too burned in the past to open up and ask her out. The timing just really sucks. Oh well at least I have two cats to play with to pass the time.

 

 

 

LinkLeave a comment

teh suck [Nov. 29th, 2008|08:30 pm]
Mike
OK SOOOOOOOO..

I Figure that today is just a crappy day  for everybody i think if you had crappy stuff happen to day you should comment it on this post to reaffirm the crappy national crapiday

Today i woke up early and went to film for this model making a speech for the fashion design department at 9. Of course the communication department fucktards that work in the equipment room came in a half hour late (and they don't know anything about the equipment, she wanted to give me a boom mic with no chord to attach the mic to the camera, basically the mic would magically send magic sound into my magic video making box! yup college education for everyone)  So i get to rush to hamilton and get to see that the autotorium has retardadly bad lighting.

I get to go back and grab a lighting kit from the communi-tards in wharton and back to Hamilton to light the fail fest. After i set up and get all the stuff together and finish taping everyone leave not one professor stays and they all exit (come to find out later, they had a little reception with free food and snacks and i didn't even get invited to it just left to pack up everything by myself and be late for my 11:00 classand i have to lug the very heavy pieces of equipment (suitcase for camera, suitcase for lighting kit, large bag for heavy tripod and i get to carry the boom mic.

then i come home and Erin says she is moving out (wonderful financial burdens for all!) and with no warning eithershe said hey i suppose now is a good a time as any to say i'm mooving. no less than 2 hours later she has already put everything she owns in a storage facility on south college 

teh suck
LinkLeave a comment

colors! [Nov. 14th, 2008|12:48 am]
Mike

http://www.goldinuniverse.com/

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation butyou are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.

Stresses resulting from a recent disappointment have led to considerable trepidation. It would seem that there seems to be so much left undone. Everything surrounds you with that air of uncertainty. You badly need to feel a sense of security and whatever it takes to protect you against further disappointment. At this particular time you doubt that things could be any better in the future but you are sticking to your guns and refusing to take advice from any source.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2008|02:55 pm]
Mike
[Tags|]

My new favorite community:

macfurs

OMG I LOVE IT AND MY FURFAGGOTRY
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

well...shit [Jun. 11th, 2008|02:30 am]
Mike
Sooo I had a big weekend this weekend just when you thought I couldn’t fuck up any more than usual I decide to take the cake in fact I took the whole bakery this weekend.

I decided to be emo and stupid and selfish I went to a party and did a lot of things I really really shouldn’t of done and I not only hurt myself, but I hurt others in my blinded stupidity and arrogance.

Heck, I even killed all the good buzz that Kyle had while on his road trip which was meant to be the best/most meaningful road trip of his life. And I fucked it up with my epic arrogance and failure.

This wasn’t just a regular road trip for him this was one of the most important things he was looking forward to. And he has been looking forward to it for months. And I really messed it up while I was hundreds of miles away.

It takes a special type of fail and carelessness to do that but good ol’ Mike did it. This trip meant the world to him on this trip he was going to meet a good friend and make peace with his deceased father and he did get that but the good that occurred was eclipsed and ripped to shreds because of how selfish and self-destructive I was.

I drunkenly blamed him Friday night for my depressed angst-mo  and destructive behavior the reason being because I missed him and was lonely. I had made it clear to him that it was his fault even though that was not the case.  Saturday we fought about it and in my self absorbed state I only let him say part of why he was angry and didn’t let him explain why he was angry at me and assumed it was another reason that I thought stupid even though that was not his argument in the first place.    

Inadvertently I destroyed the peace and solace he had accumulated over the course of the trip with my selfishness and somewhat cruel nature before his arrival.

Words cannot explain how horrible I feel about this in fact I feel very despondent and disconnected from the world because how do you truly react when you destroy something of that magnitude, meaning and importance to a person. Especially when I consider Kyle my best friend since he has been there for me through thick and thin….. this is how I repay him way to go Mike.

I am failure, I am a horrible person, I am a piece of shit.

No comments or pity. I don’t want them
LinkLeave a comment

.... [Jun. 8th, 2008|05:09 pm]
Mike
I quit people 
Link

Holy Crap 2 posts 1 day [Jun. 6th, 2008|11:03 pm]
Mike
Yea something is wrong with me today

So for my day off the things that I did that are uncharacteristically Michael are......

1: I ate at a restaurant by myself Today

For those of you know me I'm basically a social eater, I eat only if the group of the person I'm with wants to eat or if it is my lunch or dinner break for work or I remember that I need to eat to survive because I haven't eaten for 15+ hours (i snack sometimes too but rarely)

so I NEVER eat at a restaurant unless someone is with me mostly because I think eating alone at a restaurant table that sorta depressing.....

2: I passed up fun make-y out-y time

im normally girl and make-out crazy so thats self explanatory

3: I didn't call ANYONE to come and hang out with me

yea that doesn't happen

4: Just now I received a call and am going to a hotel suite party......

I wonder what Hilarity Tragedy will ensue

THUNDER CATS ARE GO!!!





end
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

this is the sound of settleing [Jun. 6th, 2008|12:01 pm]
Mike
I didn't think it was that great of a party even though a lot of people said it was.

I hate this not interested in dating people funk I'm in (normally i'm girl crazy) I don't know what to do with myself.

I really have just given up.

shit I am starting to LIKE work again and that means I am very displeased with my non-work life.

I feel like a lovesick puppy but there is nothing I am love sick over. So how do you fix that?

i am VERY VERY worried I'm going to do something stupid in the near future.

gotta love depression you have no explanation for

I was surrounded by a good chunk of my friends that I haven't seen for a long time and I only feel like a stupid emo kid in the corner.

way to go mike you win the internet for the day........
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]